The Four Whys

When things get hard, most people quit. Not because they lack discipline but because their reason isn’t strong enough. We like to quote Simon Sinek and say “start with why.” That’s easy to say when things are going well. The real test is whether your “why” still holds when you’re tired, frustrated, or losing.

These are mine.

My wife

I don’t say this enough but my wife is an amazing person. She carries more than I give her credit for. She tolerates my temper, my nonsense and carries the weight of our family when I fall short. She sacrificed her health and body to give me the best present that I never thought I wanted, our child. She is the one that I chose to live out the rest of my life with so it is my responsibility to take care of her.

I want us to slow down and to live in the present, to be intentional but also spontaneous, to appreciate what life has to offer, and to practice gratitude and acknowledge the sacrifices of those that came before us. I want to actually experience life with my wife.

My daughter

In a stereotypical asian household, the dad is often away for work and the mom has to take on both roles at home. I refuse to be the kind of father who is there but not present. It is not the job of the mother to also be a father; that responsibility falls on my shoulder.

I want to be there for my daughter when she grows up. I want to be physically and emotionally present at all of her milestones. I want to be someone she trusts, not someone she avoids. Someone she can rely on, a stable pillar of strength in the endless game of tug-of-war we call life.

Myself

The world does not owe you anything so I think it’s okay to be a little selfish and love myself before I can love others. Loving myself means to take ownership of my life, to live life on my own terms. Our existence on Earth is probabilistically impossible. The odds are so miniscule that we can’t even truly comprehend it but yet here we are so why would you waste it building someone else’s dreams.

At the end of it all, I only have 2 questions to answer: Would the 4 year old me respect and admire my current way of life and would the 94 year old me regret anything?

My family and friends

They say “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together” but what’s the point of it all if at the end of your journey, there’s no one to celebrate it with you? Life is meant to be shared with those around us. These people, my family and friends, are the ones that give meaning to the things I do. They’ve shaped who I am, supported me when I didn’t deserve it, and given me more than I can repay so it is my privilege to pay it back.

Time, attention, money are all a means to an end. I want to use these tools to give back to the people who matter.

When things feel uncertain, I don’t need more motivation. I just need to remember what actually matters and if my actions don’t reflect any of this, then I’m not confused. I’m just avoiding what I need to do instead.